More than any previous generation, today's preteens and young teens are connected to one another, through their cellphones. While these preteens and young teens may be more technologically savvy than earlier generations, their lack of maturity and life experience can quickly get them into trouble with these new social venues.

Teen relationships are affected by cellphones. It is not uncommon for preteens or young teens to have a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" via his or her cellphone or a social networking site without ever having talked with them in person. As 11- to 14-year-olds negotiate middle or junior high school, they will struggle with the pressure to fit in and may be pressured to experiment with risky behaviors, such as early sexual activity including "sexting," alcohol or drug use, or violence.

"Sexting" refers to sending a cellphone message with a photograph of a person who is naked, engaged in a sexual act, or that is otherwise inappropriate. According to a recent survey, about 20 percent of teen boys and girls have sent such messages. The emotional pain it causes can be enormous for the teen in the photo as well as for the sender and receiver-often with legal implications. You must begin the conversation about sexting before your preteen or young teen has a problem-either receiving an inappropriate message or being pressured to send one. You should introduce the issue of sexting as soon as your child is old enough to have a cellphone.

Here are some tips for how to begin these conversations with your preteen or young teen:

• Monitor headlines in the news for stories about sexting that illustrate the very real consequences for both senders and receivers of these images. Start a conversation about these headlines with questions like: "Have you seen this story?" "What did you think about this?" or "What would you do?" Rehearse ways your preteen or young teen can respond if asked to participate in inappropriate messaging. Parents are encouraged to support school and community efforts to educate parents, teachers, and students on issues involving sexting.
• Talk to your preteen or young teen, even if the issue hasn't directly affected your community. Start the conversation with questions like, "Have you heard of sexting?" or "Tell me what you think sexting is." For the initial conversation, it is important to first learn what your preteen or young teen's understanding of the issue is and then add to it with an age-appropriate explanation.
• Use examples appropriate for your preteen or young teen's age. For younger children with cellphones, alert them that messages should never contain pictures of people-kids or adults-without their clothes on or kissing or touching each other in ways that they've never seen before. For older children, use the term "sexting" and give more specifics about sex acts they may know about. For young teens, be very specific that sexting often involves pictures of a sexual nature, is considered pornography, and may be illegal.
• Make sure your preteen or young teen understands that sexting is serious and is considered a crime in many jurisdictions. In all communities, if he or she sexts, there will be serious consequences, quite possibly involving the police, suspension from school, and notes on their permanent record that could hurt their chances of getting into college, the armed forces, or getting a job.

Discuss responsible and safe cellphone use:

As a parent, you should talk with your preteen or young teen about the following issues involving the use of cellphones:

Safety - Do not give your phone number to anyone you do not know. Do not answer any calls or reply to any messages unless you know the caller. Always answer when a parent calls or texts. As a parent, you may want to review and approve your preteen or young teen's contact list.

Phone usage - Do not send abusive or humiliating texts or pictures or make pranks. If you are bullied on the phone, save the messages and show a parent. Know and follow your school policy on cellphones. Turn the phone off while you are doing your homework and at bedtime. At night, consider leaving the phone in the kitchen (for charging, perhaps?) until the next morning.

Inappropriate usage - Do not use your phone to send threatening phone or text messages or to intimidate others. Bullying or being mean with a cellphone, while less personal, is no less wrong. Do not use your phone to cheat in school. Texting answers to tests or using a phone to search the web during a test is cheating.

Cameras - Sending or forwarding sexually explicit photographs is against the law. If you receive any pictures from friends that make you uncomfortable, tell a parent or an adult you trust about it. Also, secretly taking photos or taking video clips of someone invades that person's privacy and is wrong.

Accountability - Be responsible for helping out with the bill (paying for the texting, pay for half, chores in exchange for the phone bill, etc.). Review the bill together. Consider drafting an agreement about the cellphone and bill. Discuss when it is or isn't appropriate to use the cellphone.

Consequences - If any of the above rules are broken, the phone will be taken away for a period of time to be determined by the severity of the violation.

Kelly Miller is the Project Director for Start Strong Idaho. Start Strong Idaho was chosen as one of 11 community organizations nationwide to receive $1 million in funding through the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation's national program, Start Strong: Building Healthy Teen Relationships. Start Strong Idaho is working with the entire community, including teens, parents, caregivers, educators, and community leaders to build environments that support healthy relationships and ensure abuse-such as sexting-are never tolerated. As part of Start Strong Idaho's initiative, materials promoting responsible cellphone use and healthy relationships were sent to middle schools and junior high schools in southwest Idaho. For more information or a free presentation for teens or adults, contact Kelly Miller, Project Director, Start Strong Idaho at (208) 384-0419.